I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
