This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
