Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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