Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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