So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
