yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
