I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I enjoy the company of your penis
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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