So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
