I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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