Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
