i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
