I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
