Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
