We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She needs sedatives and a leash
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
