he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
