WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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