Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
