Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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