you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
