he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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