Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ttyl tear gas
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
