Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning

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(818): View more from California

why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?

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(516): View more from New York

I understand why you refuse to be sober now

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(816): View more from Missouri

Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"

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(586): View more from Michigan

Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!

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(404): View more from Georgia

The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

Exactly, what could possibly go wrong

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