I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
