He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
