my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
