normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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