I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
