So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
