i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
