saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
