Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
