i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
