how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
