we made out on top of his cat.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
