I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I AM VODKA MAN
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
