his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
