My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
