I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
