i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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