I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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