guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Dear god my vagina.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
