i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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