she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
