Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
false alarm. still invincible.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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