Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
