His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
bring money and cleavage
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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