WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
