i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
