someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
