Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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