I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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